1/10/07
Dear Mr. President,
Thanks for your address to the nation. It's good to know you still want
to talk
to us after how we behaved in November.
Listen, can I be frank? Sending in 20,000 more troops just ain't gonna
do the
job. That will only bring the troop level back up to what it was last
year. And
we were losing the war last year! We've already had over a million
troops serve
some time in Iraq since 2003. Another few thousand is simply not enough
to find
those weapons of mass destruction! Er, I mean... bringing those
responsible for
9/11 to justice! Um, scratch that. Try this -- BRING DEMOCRACY TO THE
MIDDLE
EAST! YES!!!
You've got to show some courage, dude! You've got to win this one!
C'mon, you
got Saddam! You hung 'im high! I loved watching the video of that --
just like
the old wild west! The bad guy wore black! The hangmen were as crazy as
the
hangee! Lynch mobs rule!!!
Look, I have to admit I feel very sorry for the predicament you're in.
As Ricky
Bobby said, "If you're not first, you're last." And you being humiliated
in
front of the whole world does NONE of us Americans any good.
Sir, listen to me. You have to send in MILLIONS of troops to Iraq, not
thousands! The only way to lick this thing now is to flood Iraq with
millions of
us! I know that you're out of combat-ready soldiers -- so you have to
look
elsewhere! The only way you are going to beat a nation of 27 million --
Iraq --
is to send in at least 28 million! Here's how it would work:
The first 27 million Americans go in and kill one Iraqi each. That will
quickly
take care of any insurgency. The other one million of us will stay and
rebuild
the country. Simple.
Now, I know you're saying, where will I find 28 million Americans to go
to Iraq?
Here are some suggestions:
1. More than 62,000,000 Americans voted for you in the last election
(the one
that took place a year and half into a war we already knew we were
losing). I am confident that at least a third
of them would want to put their body where there
vote was and sign up to volunteer. I know many of these people
and, while we may disagree politically, I know
that they don't believe someone else should have to
go and fight their fight for them -- while they hide here in
America.
2. Start a "Kill an Iraqi" Meet-Up group in cities across the country. I
know
this idea is so early-21st century, but I once went to a Lou Dobbs
Meet-Up and,
I swear, some of the best ideas happen after the third mojito. I'm sure
you'll
get another five million or so enlistees from this effort.
3. Send over all members of the mainstream media. After all, they were
your
collaborators in bringing us this war -- and many of them are already
trained
from having been "embedded!" If that doesn't bring the total to 28
million, then
draft all viewers of the FOX News channel.
Mr. Bush, do not give up! Now is not the time to pull your punch! Don't
be a
weenie by sending in a few over-tired troops. Get your people behind you
and YOU
lead them in like a true commander in chief! Leave no conservative
behind! Full
speed ahead!
We promise to write. Go get 'em W!
Yours,
Michael Moore
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